A few months before we got pregnant for Hattie I had suffered a miscarriage at 12 weeks. We were devastated! I never truly understood the impact of a miscarriage until it happened to us. Unfortuantely, I think that is how most things are; they have to happen to us to fully appreciate the feelings that are associated with it. Kevin and I learned what it really meant to give our sadness and worries to God. He was the only one who could completely comfort us during our grief.
Two months after the miscarriage we were very blessed to get pregnant again. We were very excited to find out we were having a girl, as there is a long line of boys on my husband's side. As my sister-in-law, Megan, exclaimed, "There's hope"! :) Now don't get me wrong, we will be thrilled, and hope to add a boy to our famiy some day, but we were ecstatic to start our family with a little girl!
I had a very normal, healthy pregnancy and truly enjoyed being pregnant. My delivery went smoothly (after my epidural, of course) :) and at 10:01am we met Hattie for the first time.
Like most of you know, hospitals screen babies' hearing when they are first born. Hattie had her first test 6 hours after she was born. When the nurse brought her back we were informed she had failed. The nurse assured us that this was very normal and was most likely failed because of fluid from delivery that had not dried up yet. They were going to test her again in 24 hours. So, the next night the nurse took her to have the test repeated. Once again, when they returned, we were told that she failed. The nurse said again, probably still fluid. The next step was to wait a couple weeks and have another hearing test done at an audiologist's office using better equipment.
At exactly 2 weeks old we had the test done. The way they test newborns is by placing electrodes around their head to evaluate the brain's response to different sounds and pitches. Normal conversation is heard at 0-25 decibels. They started testing her at 50dB. She did not respond. The Audiologist proceeded to increase the sound by 10dB until she reached 90dB, which is where their equipment stopped. Hattie's right ear never responded and her left ear finally responded at 90dB. That day she was diagnosed with profound hearing loss. Needless to say, we were stunned! We do not have a history of congenital hearing loss in our family and, as I stated before, I had a very healthy pregnancy.
Being deaf is not a prison sentence, but has been very devastating to us. When you dream of your future children and family, rarely do you think of anything other than everyone being healthy. I have learned that it is important to allow yourself to grieve, even the dirty feelings that come with this. I am not going to pretend that I am someone who does not ask God "why" during certain times. He is a big God and I believe that He can handle our questions. The grieving process is exactly that, a process and it comes and goes. These past 2 1/2 months have been difficult. I did not expect to spend my maternity leave going to different doctor's appointments and therapies every week. However, this is our reality now and we wouldn't change it for anything. We do not know or always understand God's plan, but we know that we are to trust Him because He is sovereign and knows what is best for us. We are blessed that we were given the privilege of being Hattie's parents and entrusted with her care. We will do anything we can to ensure she is getting the best possible care! A verse that has encouraged me through the miscarriage and now this, is from Romans 15:13, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."
There is hope in all of this! Promising treatment is available for Hattie. I will explain all of that in my next post. Today we have an appointment with the Audiologist to get ear molds made for Hattie's hearing aid trial run. We continue to pray for healing and that God will reveal to us His purpose in this. We are so blessed by the love and encouragement given to us by our family and friends. Thank you all!
Miss Hattie I can't wait to see what God has in store for your future! Uncle Brock and Aunt Laura love ya to pieces!
ReplyDeleteShe is so precious, and she is so blessed to have you as a mom!! I will be praying for you guys. I hope you don't mind if I follow your blog. If you want an invite to mine, just give me your e-mail.
ReplyDeleteShe is amazing and can't wait to continue reading all that you have to share.
ReplyDeleteI stumbled upon this blog in my Facebook news feed. I do not know you personally but was deeply touched by your story and your sweet new baby. In addition, I am a Sign Language Interpreter, and have the opportunity to work with Deaf people on a regular basis. I want to encourage you to get the real facts about the many options out there (as far as medical procedures vs. no procedures, Oralism vs. Sign Language, etc). I am a firm believer in the use of Sign Langauge and involvement in the Deaf community. I know individuals and parents who have walked this path before, and there are lots of wonderful resources available for you. I can imagine that there is a grieving process that takes place but your selflessness is so evident, and what a blessing that Hattie has a wonderful, loving, supportive set of parents! Please let me know if I can provide you any information or direct you to someone who can. May God guide you in this adventure and bless your beautiful Hattie!
ReplyDeleteHi, my name is Leslie Doll and I'm a friend of Megan Trulock (through team in training). I lost my hearing at age 5 months to spinal meningitis. I wear hearing aids; without them, I have about a 90% hearing loss. I do not sign; I am 100% oral (I firmly believe this is a hearing world, and I made the choice to be completely integrated when I was about 10 years old). I wanted to let you know - it is not the end of the world. I have done more with my life up to this point (I'm 43 now) than most people will accomplish in their lifetimes; and I'm not saying that in a bragging sense, but in the sense that this is how I approach living life - seeking out challenges and overcoming obstacles despite a severe hearing loss. I've travelled 60% of the world; learned how to ride a motorcycle; graduated from college and graduate school; had a successful career as a software engineer (now semi-retired). I took ballet for 12 years and still take flamenco dance lessons on occasion. My parents raised me to be as normal as possible, and fought for me every step of the way. I do lead a very happy, fulfilling and enriched life; there have been many that have told me I could not do things because of my hearing loss, but believe me, I proved them all wrong. I am a little different - having lost one sense tends to do that - but most folks don't even know I have a hearing loss until they get to know me better. If you'd like to talk with me, or even get in touch with my parents (who most certainly can relate with what you're going through), please contact me at polarflydolls@gmail.com.
ReplyDeleteThe biggest thing I think you can do for your daughter now, and you are already doing it, is to make sure she's got options for hearing and, when ready, speech. Speech is the biggest thing in terms of educational development. I've noticed huge differences between those like me, who had tremendous support from my parents, and those who did not. Based on the love I see in your posts, your daughter is absolutely on the bright, love-filled path. :-)
Sincerely,
Leslie Fitzgerald Doll